there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
