Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
