I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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