One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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