found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
