Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
