I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
