Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
