god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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