quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
