Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
