i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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