Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
