just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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