beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
