My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
