i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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