Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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