Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
