wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
