sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
