Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He better not be in your backpack
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
