could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
