She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
