pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
