I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
