So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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