STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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