Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
