Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
