You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
