How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
