Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
