Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Shame is for Republicans.
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