Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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