It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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