so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
