my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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