she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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