Christians are straight up FREAKS
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
