he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
