this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
