Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
