why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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