he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
