He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
