fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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