why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Bring me that man meat
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
