dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
