I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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