i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
