So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
