Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
