So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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